Top 10 Ways To Help Your Kids During Separation or Divorce
- Gisella La Madrid
- Apr 12
- 4 min read
Children thrive when both parents work together—even apart—to provide love, stability, and support.
A breakup can be an incredibly challenging time for kids, as they are forced to navigate emotional turmoil and uncertainty. The disruption of their family dynamic often leaves them feeling confused, anxious, and torn between two parents. Children may struggle to process the changes, leading to feelings of sadness, anger, or even guilt. During this time, it's crucial for parents to provide stability, open communication, and emotional support to help their kids cope with the fallout and adjust to their new reality.
Divorce doesn’t just dissolve a relationship—it reshapes the entire family unit. It’s a pivotal moment where how parents handle the transition can make all the difference for their children. While every situation is unique, experts like Dr. Joan Kelly, a clinical psychologist with over four decades of experience in divorce and child development, offer guidance to help children emerge stronger and emotionally resilient.
Here are ten powerful ways to support your children during and after a high-conflict separation:
1. Communicate with Your Kids
Only 5% of parents actually sit down and explain the separation to their children. This leaves most kids to draw their own conclusions, which often leads to self-blame or fear of abandonment. Take the time to calmly explain what is happening, without assigning blame. Use age-appropriate language and reassure them that they are loved, safe, and not responsible for the separation. This simple step can help reduce anxiety and confusion, providing much-needed clarity in a time of chaos.
2. Keep Things Private
Children are observant. Even if you think they aren’t paying attention, they’re often absorbing more than we realize. Avoid leaving legal papers out in the open, talking about the divorce in front of them, or letting emotions boil over in front of them. These details are too complex for children to understand and can lead to increased emotional distress. Protecting them from adult concerns helps preserve their sense of security.
3. Shield Kids from Conflict
One of the most harmful aspects of a high-conflict breakup is exposing children to ongoing arguments. Whether it’s yelling, passive-aggressive comments, or using your child as a messenger, this behavior puts an unfair emotional burden on them. Studies show that children exposed to parental conflict are more likely to experience anxiety, depression, and behavioral problems. Shield your child by saving difficult conversations for private moments and keeping interactions with your co-parent civil and respectful.
4. Stay Involved
Both mothers and fathers play a vital role in their children's lives. Even after separation, your consistent involvement with sports, activities and school events supports your child’s self-esteem and emotional growth, helping them understand that they are still deeply loved and cared for by both parents.
5. Manage Your Anger
Anger, grief, and frustration are normal emotions following a breakup, especially if the separation was painful or involved betrayal. However, when those feelings are projected onto your children it causes harm. Children don’t want to choose sides. Managing anger and speaking respectfully helps children maintain healthy relationships with both parents.
6. Be a Consistent Parent
Life after divorce is often unpredictable, but your parenting shouldn't be. Children need consistency to feel secure. Maintain the same routines, rules, and expectations that they had before. Bedtimes, chores, schoolwork, and discipline should remain in place. This not only supports their sense of stability but also shows them that your love and guidance remain constant, no matter how life changes.
Divorce may change the family structure, but it should never change a child’s sense of being loved and heard.
7. Take Care of Your Mental Health
Your well-being affects your child’s well-being. If you’re anxious, depressed, or emotionally overwhelmed, your children will feel it. Don’t hesitate to seek therapy, counselling, or support groups. Getting the help you need models healthy coping skills and shows your child that it’s okay to ask for help. An emotionally stable parent is more patient, attentive, and emotionally available—qualities your children need now more than ever.
8. Maintain Important Relationships
In the shuffle of new routines, custody schedules, and emotional fallout, other relationships can fall to the side. But for your child, extended family, friends, and mentors play an important role in their healing and stability. Encourage strong ties with family and close friends. These supportive relationships can serve as additional sources of love and stability during uncertain times.
9. Think Before Introducing New Partners
New relationships can bring joy, but children need time to process one transition before facing another. Introducing a new partner too soon can cause confusion, emotional withdrawal, or even resentment. Children may still be grieving the loss of their original family unit and need space to adjust before accepting someone new. Take it slow and prioritize your child's comfort and readiness.
10. Support Your Kids Beyond Money
While financial support is important, emotional support is what truly shapes a child’s well-being. Show up. Listen without judgment. Be fully present. These small, everyday acts build trust and emotional security. Let your children know—through your actions and your words—that they matter more than the conflict between their parents. Reassure them that love doesn’t have to be divided or conditional.
A Final Thought
Divorce and separation may change the shape of a family, but they don’t have to damage it beyond repair. With the right guidance, patience, and support, your children can grow through this experience with resilience, empathy, and emotional strength.
At Strong Ties, we are here to help. Whether you’re navigating the early stages of separation, struggling with co-parenting dynamics, or need help supporting your child’s emotional health, we offer compassionate, evidence-based counselling to guide you through.
📧 Don’t hesitate to reach out: Info@strongties.ca
🌐 Visit us: www.strongties.ca
